One of my special areas of interest when working with clients is Attachment Theory

(John Bowlby). This might surprise you, as Attachment Theory has become very associated with Attachment Parenting of late, hence associated with babies and children.

However, it is relevant throughout all of our lifespans and greatly affects how we are with ourselves and others. Our attachment style, which we form depending on the interactions with our caretakers during the first 12 months of our lives, determines how we relate to ourselves and others.

Regarding the dynamics of your relationships, you might ask yourself

“Why do I always do this?”

“Why does xyz keep happening to me?”,

“Why is this so difficult for me?”

Perhaps you feel a sense of emptiness inside or find it very difficult to connect/ stay with yourself?

There’s a good chance that this could have something to do with your attachment style. Becoming aware of how you relate can be very helpful in understanding yourself and others, to heal and to have choices in your actions.

Experts reckon that around 35% of people in the Western World have an insecure attachment style. It is very common!

We might feel avoidant of big emotions or relationships altogether, or we might regularly feel very anxious and are afraid to lose our partner.

Having an insecure attachment simply means finding relationships and life itself a little harder compared to a secure attachment style. Coping can be more challenging, stress is more difficult to deal with, there’s more withdrawal from social activities, fewer relationships and a tendency toward solitary solutions to problems.

Obviously, we cannot travel back in time and change our attachment style as such, but we can become aware of how it influences us in relationships. This can lead to more self-compassion, better communication and understanding with our loved ones.